Added: Ann Fallis - Date: 30.12.2021 04:33 - Views: 12849 - Clicks: 1371
I was never good at making friends. Growing up, I was shy, self-conscious, and generally felt like my few friends made merather than the other way around. This was fortunately never much of a problem… until I reached my twenties. Suddenly, I found myself living alone in a city wherein I only knew a handful of people: two ex-boyfriends and their families.
Talk about slim pickings. I considered simply sitting in my apartment and sulking my days away. So, eventually, I took the plunge and— gulp —made some friends.
Intentionally seeking out friendships ended up being one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. On a college campus, you run into people everywhere—in class, on the grounds, in the cafeteria, at your dorm, in the library, at events. Online students, however, tend to spend a lot of their time at home. So, to replicate this aspect of the college experience, start by finding ways to create propinquity. Start by thinking of something you like to do, then look online to see if other people in your area also do that thing. If you like it, you can go back!
So unless you got a really bad vibe the first time, give this group a chance.
Show up to events over and over again until your newbie status starts to wear off, and you realize that suddenly these new friends feel a lot more like old ones. Waiting for someone to introduce themselves is a great way to stay disconnected. Turns out, humans are pretty skittish creatures. So take the lead. Always assume that if you want friends, you have to make them. Step up and introduce yourself. You have to choose to do it. Just meet one person. Just have a conversation. It will be uncomfortable.
It will be awkward. You may not know what to talk about at first, and you may come away feeling like a fool.
But the only way to get better at something is to be willing to be bad at it first. So let yourself be bad at it. Get some practice. While uncomfortable first conversations are often inevitable, these can be made dramatically less awkward by simply caring about the other person. Where were they born? What is their family like?
What are they majoring in? Where do they work? What do they enjoy doing outside of work? What are their life goals?
What inspired them to pursue those goals? What are they good at? What are they bad at? While asking questions is great, no one likes being interrogated. Be willing to talk about yourself too. This means assuming the other person is interested in listening—because, usually, they are. So if, in your attempt to get to know them, you learn about something that clicks with you—maybe you grew up in the same town or you like the same books— be willing to share your own experience.
This is how natural connections form. And if nothing clicks? College is all about trying new things, meeting new people, gaining new experiences, and being exposed to new ideas. What better way to do all of that then to make a friend you never would have imagined for yourself?
Over time, you might find that all your hard work allowed you to cultivate something truly one-of-a-kind. Paradoxical as it sounds, one of the most valuable skills I learned in my attempt to make friends was how to enjoy being alone. I wanted to avoid it as much as possible. So, I started pouring a lot of effort into reaching out, meeting new people, suffering through awkward conversation, and being the newbie at events.
For me, that meant cooking myself nice dinners, going for walks, visiting new parks or restaurants, shopping, reading fascinating books, and even getting into a crazy skincare regimen that one of my long-distance friends swore by. Learning to enjoy and even look forward to being alone made it so much easier for me to be patient and allow my new relationships to grow in their own time.
Plus, I ended up making one of the best friends of all—myself! In my experience, building a community from scratch involves a lot of lonely social outings, awkward conversations, expended energy, and just plain work and patience.
So why do it? Maybe it would. People move. Jobs change. So why not just do it now?
Adulthood is hard. Get over it. Better yet, step into it. A former student counselor and Accelerated Pathways student, Abigail is now a writer and Accelerated Pathways Content Manger who's passionate about empowering others to achieve their goals. Look around. Just pick something. Keep trying. Take the lead. Assume they care too. Be hospitable. Be patient. Why bother? Abigail Endsley A former student counselor and Accelerated Pathways student, Abigail is now a writer and Accelerated Pathways Content Manger who's passionate about empowering others to achieve their goals.New student looking for friends
email: [email protected] - phone:(778) 593-6109 x 6185
How to Make Friends in College