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Nafisa Sekandari and Sr. Hosai Mojaddidi. Indeed in that are s for a people who give thought.
There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone. A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are.
The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc.
When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences. This is the wrong approach on both s.
There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. These differences can include a of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others.
To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them.
How do they spend their money? You can you rely on this person and trust what they say. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They very rarely complain. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive.
When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.
In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Praise God for those two insomnias! And the difference between them. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. A garment may or may not fit perfectly-but either way, it covers imperfections, protects and beautifies. What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself? Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.
Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away.
Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it?
Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 or more people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts.
They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them. These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships. Never marry an addict. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc.
When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you! Additional Points to Consider: 1.
The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance.
Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc. Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this.
Be flexible. Be open-minded! Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom. It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them. Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship. The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.
Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well. Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.
Nafisa Sekandari is the director and founder of Mental Health 4 Muslims. Sekandari is currently d and practicing in California and Arizona. Additionally, Dr. Sekandari is a published author and lecturer. H osai Mojaddidi is the co-founder and past editor of MH4M. She has been actively involved with the Muslim community in the San Francisco Bay Area and the southern California community for nearly 15 years.
Additionally, Sr.Married looking for what i dont get
email: [email protected] - phone:(678) 328-1063 x 1544
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