Looking for a vers guy

Added: Lorina Feltman - Date: 24.12.2021 11:25 - Views: 14648 - Clicks: 4291

The top is in you, hidden like a beast in a cave, waiting to come out. Gay men tend to grow versatile with time. A by-product of experience and skill is that you get bored doing the same thing — and may find yourself in a place to try something different. That place may be the back of a sex club, his beautiful butt bent over in front of you. Life sometimes requires us to step up to the plate and swing. You can grow. Because sexual identity evolves. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger.

The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.

For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments. Hungry for more? After a rough sex session, I surprise him. I turn him over, nuzzle the back of his neck, and pull him close. I lean bottom and have for most of my sex life.

Looking for a vers guy

At least for now. Bottoming is where most of my experience lies, particularly when kink and role play get involved. But I love being big spoon. In that powerful post-sex cuddle, I like to hold him. One day I was holding him, his butt pressed into my crotch, and got insanely turned on. It was the first. These include classic suspender harnesses and their million variations. These also include harnesses that come down holster-style and connect to a cock ring.

Looking for a vers guy

Harnesses with straps connected to a cock ring droop uncomfortably and awkwardly when you bend over. These have minimal vertical straps over the pivot point of your waist — their principal construction is around the chest and shoulders. Which makes a difference the further back in the club you go, the darker the room is, the hornier you get. Their terrifying power dissipates as you meet others, have sex, and learn the scene.

You learn a truth: Labels are tools, not cages. They make sex happen. They help you identify your people. They give you a community to rally around, identify with, and support. We must now take the same approach to sex labels. In the era of hookup apps, we are often siloed into rigid roles: Top, Bottom, Versatile, Versa-top, Versa-bottom. Many sites and apps have drop-down menus that literally make us choose one. The lovely guesswork and fluidity that came with cruise culture is gone. You can now filter your Grindr feed for tops only. Labels are tools, not cages.

Looking for a vers guy

We often talk about tops and bottoms like they are fixed communities — men who will always behave a certain way, as if we are all alike. Play nice. When you bottom, you worry about your butt. Is it nice? How does it look in these shorts? You learn what exercises make it look good anything that works your glutes and legs. You have to worry about injury anal fissures are a real headache. You have to hunt for quality lube.

You have to get an anal swab every time you get tested for sexually transmitted infections. Suddenly you realize that all this butt worry makes you a sexpert in butt care and attention. You know what feels good. Lucky him. A healthy sex life is about experimentation and evolution. Most people go through phases. If you find yourself in a bottoming break, consider it a to try topping.

You might love it. In gay culture, we glorify total tops and tease bottoms — a weird hybrid of misogyny and antiquated gender roles. We project hetero dynamics onto our sex, resulting in everything from internalized homophobia to raucous bottom-shaming. Versatility, on the other hand, mystifies us. It has no hetero trope to build on.

Versatility is something gay men have long celebrated — the ability to fuck and be fucked by each other, and the libertine freedom to do so. Once again, hetero tropes and gender roles sneak in, ruining everything.

Looking for a vers guy

Many gay men see versatility as weak — a watered-down version of both. You get better at one, which makes you better at the other, which makes you better at both. You may lean one way or another, but you should try both. Why deny yourself one half of the sex experience? If this sounds like a weak motivator, ask a bottom who has gotten fed up with the tiresome rigmarole of douching before every fuck.

Treat them well. Was it terrible? Was it fun? You might be moving into a new phase of your sexual development. Enjoy it. They get skimpier every year. This year, something was different. I wanted to show off something else. Which led me to my next purchase All gay men have one, right?

Getting an erection is the physical act of the spongy tissue of your penis filling with blood, making it erect. A cock ring constricts blood flow into your dick and keeps you hard longer. There are a million different kinds of cock rings, made of a million different materials — hard metal, soft silicone, stretchy silicone, firm silicone, rubber, leather, TPE thermoplastic elastomerTPR thermoplastic rubberlatex, leather, virgin leather, stainless steel, medical-grade steel, aluminum, gold, glass, plastic, vinyl, and the list goes on and on.

Some are hard, like metal, but many more are soft and stretchy. And one pretty sizable top I know simply uses a thick shoelace — most cock rings are too small for him. Find one that fits right and feels right. He was short, with blue eyes and a cute butt. It was cold on the patio of the leather bar. He was intelligently out of place, with the face smart guys make who calculate everything before speaking. I immediately wanted to fuck him.

Can you help me out? In the same way we siphon each other into "top" and "bottom" — ignoring the poor versatile guys of the world — we also foolishly reinforce the same damaging gender norms every time we assume someone feminine is a bottom, or someone masculine is a top. There are masculine men who love being pussyboys in bed getting their holes absolutely demolished by sadistic alphas — God bless them. Do what you like and forget this absurd notion that masculinity has anything to do with insertion, anything to do with dominance.

Good bottoms know this: The best tops are the ones who know how to fuck, not the ones who have the biggest penises. For more on this, read my 17 tips for being a better top.

Looking for a vers guy

Other tops are gathered around, waiting their turn. The stone walls echo with his moans. Not your fantasy? People have mixed responses to fantasy. In fantasyland, all the rules of propriety, political correctness, even ethics are shed for your dreams, your rules, your mental play. No one can police your thoughts.

You are not free to act on every fantasy — most of them will remain scenarios in your head. Problems arise when people confuse truth and fantasy, and try to re-create certain fantasies in the real world.

Looking for a vers guy

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Guys on the 'Side': Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms